Doubt

I think anyone would admit that ideas aren’t something that you can sit down and create at a desk, but rather something that happens to you spontaneously. My mind is constantly coming up with grandiose ideas that really could never be implemented alone or without a great deal of time or effort. Occasionally though, an idea will appear so small and simple that I can’t resist the urge to let it grow into something more real.

I’ve been working on an idea I’ve had for a little over a year now, talking to multiple people in various disciplines, gathering thoughts and ideas in an attempt to solidify my idea into something feasible. Along the way I’ve had plenty of encouragement from friends but more than enough discouragement from myself.

Doubt is the one single greatest killer of ideas.

I pushed on though, sometimes feeling abandoned by those who once encouraged me (perhaps I’m superimposing my own lack of faith in myself onto others), other times feeling on top of the world for figuring out some obscure error message or actually designing something that I can be proud of.

I’m not done with this idea though, it still isn’t a reality and I still have to keep pushing myself forward each day until I complete it. Otherwise, it’ll just be another idea that doubt killed and I won’t know what’s worse: that I didn’t have the ambition to follow through, or that perhaps I wasn’t the right person to make it real.

So every day I shove that doubt from my mind and focus on small, simple and easily achievable goals that inch me closer to launch. And every night when I eventually get to bed I can feel good about how far I’ve taken my idea.

I’m Still Here

It feels like forever since I’ve last posted here and so much has happened in my life. Shortly after I arrived back home from Seattle, my wife delivered our first child, our son Wil.

So if you can imagine plenty of sleepless nights and being late for any and every appointment, you could probably excuse my short absence from posting.

Between spending time figuring out what it takes to be a new parent (and trying to get as much sleep as I can), I’ve been spending the remaining time working on something special for anyone who owns an iPhone. I don’t want to reveal too much at this point, but trust me, it’ll be totally worth it. I’ve been working on this project for more than a year now, refining and re-defining everything from the design to the code. I’ve had countless conversations with friends and designers about my ideas and the direction I have, but ultimately I know I have to finish what I’ve started. So without further adieu, here’s a sneak peek:

Yep. I wasn’t kidding when I wrote I didn’t want to reveal too much.

I’ll be posting here more frequently with more information about my project in the coming weeks. If you’re also interested in beta testing, I’ll be requesting help for that within the next few months, so keep checking here and my Twitter.

I’ve also purchased a new lens for my camera, so expect a write up and some photos.

I also want to mention that Andrew Kim, my partner in podcasting, has finally graduated from Art Center. He’s worked incredibly hard this past term, completing more classes than is humanly possible, which should explain our mutual absence from podcasting. Expect new episodes of The Wish List soon!

Also, thank you to everyone who sent me a message and kicked my butt into not neglecting my blog.

-Wes

Damaged Thoughts

Apologies for not having a new post for a while!

Over this past week, I’ve been thinking a lot about mental health. I’m not entirely sure what sparked these thoughts in my head, but I’m sure it has lot to do with the passing of Aaron Swartz. Many of the articles I’ve read describe him as a genius, one who constantly pushed boundaries, and fighting for what was right and fair. He did all these things while at the same time struggling with depression.

I started contemplating about the nature of those who are loved, even admired, fall prey to their own thoughts of feeling defeated or torture. I thought perhaps writing about my own struggles would help me from slipping into my own tortured state once again.

Over the past few days, I’ve been feeling down. This usually happens immediately after I feel on top of the world and I can’t really explain why at the height of my happiness I crash the following day. There have been times in my life where I’ve felt so depressed that this heavy grey cloud hanging over me and no matter the insane amount of love that is directed my way from my family, my wife, even my dog, is enough to sway the thoughts that torment me.

Thoughts and feelings of disconnection from others or a lack of meaningful contact. I could be sitting right beside a good friend and even then not feel there in the moment with them. When I was in my later teenage years, this was the norm most of the time. I didn’t really know what to do or how to deal with it, but I managed somehow. I wasn’t the type who would physically hurt myself or others, I just internalized what I felt as much I could.

As time moved on I grew up and I experienced substantially less feelings of negativity, but they never left entirely. The breakup of a girlfriend would thrust me right back into a painful existence, not unlike anyone else, except that the anxiety and self-blame would linger longer than they should have. I tried relating to friends about the feeling I felt inside, but I never could explain the depth of feeling to which I felt inside. Conversely a major win in my life would push me into feeling of uncontrollable bliss soon followed by a slump that would last for a few days after.

I know I’ve always been someone who feels emotions quite deeply and because of that I don’t usually enjoy sharing them with others for fear that I invite an opportunity to be hurt, but I know there are others out there who’ve share similar feelings as me, and this post is dedicated to them.

We are not alone in our battle with ourselves. We have each other.

Things I use: Slicy

This is the first post under “Things I use” — which detail tools and techniques I use to enhance my workflow.

When I first started creating (very awful looking) websites, like many, my go-to design tool was the same then as it is now: Photoshop. However, when I started using Photoshop was back in the dark ages of web design, when things like “slices” didn’t exist and table was the dominant tag of choice. Welcome to 1998 and Photoshop 5.0.

Being young and eager, I set forth ambitiously with my table structure and image spacer gifs¹ in hand to create something I would be proud of. This process wasn’t easy and involved manual cropping of my PSD files and many repeated clicks to the file menu, then “save as”. If you screwed up on your crop, you had to use the history palette and start again. Frequently, I was usually off by one pixel with my slicing.

Then along came something that would solve all my problems. Well, not really, but it was an attempt on Adobe’s part to recognize that Photoshop was more than a tool for photo editing. It was a glorious design tool for manipulating pixels. And so from the bowels of Adobe came Photoshop 5.5 — a revolution in web design! Or so I wished it could be.

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